Psychologist: Look for 'survivor's guilt'

Universities like NIU are well-equipped with excellent counseling resources, and mental health professionals there, and in the community, will be available for support, both now and in the future. We encourage parents to watch for changes in their children's behavior that might indicate the need for psychological intervention. These might include increased sadness, periods of crying, loss of interest in things that were once pleasurable, social isolation, memory problems, sleep and appetite disturbances, hopelessness, and increased anxiety that interferes with their daily functioning. Some students may also deal with what is referred to as survivor's guilt, and this too can become debilitating for some individuals. Parents would be advised to encourage their child to seek professional help if they notice any of these behaviors.

For people both directly and indirectly impacted by the NIU shooting, is there a typical grieving response that might occur?

Grief can be very complicated following a tragedy such as this. It is very normal for those who directly experienced the tragedy, as well as those who are indirectly impacted by it, to experience shock, disbelief, sadness, anger, and fear. These feelings may occur for weeks and months following the tragic event. Each person will experience these emotions differently, and for some, it may take longer to heal. It is incredibly important that each person be allowed to experience and express their grief with those close to them. The unconditional support of loved ones will be critical to helping them cope with their emotions.

Walk me through how a grief counselor might advise someone impacted by this tragedy.

Grief counselors would be available for emotional support and guidance during this difficult time. They would listen to the students and encourage them to express their feelings about the traumatic event. They may also encourage students to find constructive ways to deal with their complicated feelings, which might include ways to honor those who lost their lives, or those who survived, but are still recovering from their injuries. Counselors may also coach students in ways to manage the anxiety that they might feel upon returning to school. It is also likely that group sessions might be organized to help those who lost loved ones to bond and connect with each other, so that they may work through the grief process together. It's important to note that some of the emotional effects will come long after everything has returned to "normal." It will be important for those dealing with the grief to seek the assistance of psychologists or other mental health professionals whenever they feel they need the help, even if others feel they should have recovered by that time.

Some organizations already are offering free admission to events for NIU students. For students involved directly or indirectly, how important is it to disconnect from the tragedy? And, is it realistic to expect someone to do so this soon?

It was wonderful to see the community rallying around the students and the university in this way. For some students, this will be a much-needed distraction from their grief. It may be a way for them to regain some sense of normalcy in their lives. For others, it may be too premature to enjoy a social event. And, that's perfectly fine. Everyone will heal in their own time, and in their own way. It's important to respect each person's need to grieve and heal in a way that suits them. It is important to manage the psychological saturation that can come after being immersed by coverage of these tragedies. Entertainment can be helpful and therapeutic, for those who are ready for this. Taking a break and trying to find some joy is not disrespectful. Rather, it allows ourselves an opportunity to re-energize our spirits. By doing so, we may be better able to cope in the days, weeks and months that follow.

How would you counsel a student who is afraid to return to campus?

First, I would remind the student that his fears and anxieties are normal, and that he may be hesitant to return to campus immediately. Additionally, I would encourage the student to utilize some stress management strategies as he prepares to return to the classroom. Implementing relaxation techniques like diaphragmatic breathing and visual imagery may help the student to feel more calm and less fearful. The student may also need to adjust his thinking to remind himself that he has goals that he wants to achieve, and that he needs to focus on living his life and gradually try to return to a sense of normalcy. Connecting with other students may help him to feel less alone, and he may feel safer going to campus with close friends, for emotional support. While reminding himself that measures are being taken by the university community to keep all students safe, the student should feel free to share his concerns with professional counselors, if he is having difficulty managing these fears on his own.

You mentioned that on campus there are some great resources available for students. There are numerous students who live off campus and some who I imagine have left for home. If these folks feel like they need to talk with someone, what should they do?

We are fortunate to be in a community that has wonderful mental health resources. Chicago and the surrounding suburbs have excellent services that are available for both crisis counseling and ongoing psychotherapy. For those who would like help dealing with their emotions, they are encouraged to contact a psychologist, social worker, or licensed clinical professional counselor. These professionals have experience in providing a safe environment for clients who are grappling with difficult life circumstances. They can provide an empathic, listening ear, encouraging words, and ideas for how to handle the ongoing complex clinical emotions. Psychiatrists are also available for psychotherapy, and for medication management, should it be determined that medication might be beneficial to treat the depression or anxiety. Mental health professionals can be found at local hospitals, community health centers, or in independent private practices. It is helpful to consult with a clinician before beginning the therapeutic relationship, to see if they have the experience to help you navigate through these difficult waters. Individuals can also contact their local mental health agency for additional information and resources. Additionally, a referral database, such as The National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology is available online, is also a good resource for locating an accredited therapist in your area.

You said earlier some "emotional effects" might not occur for some time. Is this something that might manifest itself months or years from now? When can students -- or can they ever -- expect to return to "normal"?

Surviving a tragedy such as that which happened at NIU changes people in ways that often cannot be easily described. The impact can be felt for months, and yes, even years. Many times, individuals will experience symptoms of acute stress response immediately following a traumatic event. If the emotional difficulties remain after one month, then a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder might be appropriate.

Sometimes people feel like they never return to "normal." Perhaps, it's that their sense of "normal" changes. Their lives have been changed, but that does not mean that they have to succumb to their negative feelings. Students should look for ways to use their powerful emotions to propel them forward in a constructive way, to make changes in their lives, and in their world, so that they, and others, can have a better life. The more time that passes from the event, and the more a student resumes their usual activities, the more "normal" they will feel. They will never forget what they witnessed, or experienced. But, if they can glean something important about themselves, or about their world, and use this to make a difference, then those who have died or been injured, will not have suffered in vain.