NOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...

Black Swan

What's that smell? Why, it's this piece of Oscar bait, with Natalie Portman as a ballerina who has a rival for the lead in "Swan Lake." Because, of course, "Swan Lake" and "The Nutcracker" are pretty much all the ballets hacks who put stuff like this together figure audiences would even know. Why do they keep making cliche-ridden backstage dance dramas? Oh yeah, cuz dance sure is purty, and the ladies eat this stuff up, right? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I'm sleeping already.

Beer: A lot of these.

WHAT?! You were looking for a REAL movie review? Our Sun-Times Media colleagues Roger Ebert at the Chicago Sun-Times and Josh Larsen at the Naperville Sun do a swell job at that.

-- Mike Danahey, Staff Writer