NOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.
Here are some of the movies playing this weekend...
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
THIS IS A MICHAEL BAY FLICK SO I AM TYPING IN CAPS AS THERE IS NOTHING SUBTLE IN ANY OF HIS WORK IN FACT I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO USE PUNCTUATION BECAUSE WELL WHY BOTHER ITS JUST LIKE BAY DOESNT BOTHER WITH ANYTHING LIKE A COMPREHENSIBLE PLOT WHICH WOULD JUST GET IN THE WAY OF ALL THE SPECIAL EFFECTS LOUD NOISE AND EXPLOSIONS I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT THIS WAS SHOT IN CHICAGO SO WERE ANY NUMBER OF LAME VINCE VAUGHAN MOVIES NONE OF WHICH I HAVE SEEN EITHER IF I WANT A HEADACHE I WILL JUST DRINK A LOT OF LOUSY LIGHT BEER.
Beer rating: Red Bull with a meth chaser.
Larry Crowne, after the jump.
There's a mediocre NBC sitcom called "Community" about a middle aged guy who goes to community college. This looks like a slightly classier, potentially duller version of that as it stars Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. It looks like they wind up dating, which I am sure usually violates school policy. This also looks like a movie my mom and dad would see at the matinee before they head out to buy groceries for an early dinner. My guess is this would make them sleepy, meaning you wouldn't want to be anywhere near them as they head from the theater to Safeway.
Beer rating: Metamucil with a vodka chaser.
WHAT?! You were looking for a REAL movie review? Our Sun-Times Media colleague Roger Ebert at the Chicago Sun-Times does a swell job at that.
-- Mike Danahey, Staff Writer