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Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...


Resident Evil: Afterlife



Finally, the 3D zombie apocalypse movie everyone has been waiting for! I watched some previews, and this movie is very stylized in blues and grays. Wait. Do movies based on video games even count as movies?

Beer rating: La Fin du Monde ("The End of the World") seems fitting, of course -- though it's way better a beer than this flick deserves.

The Virginity Hit, after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...


Going the Distance



Drew Barrymore and the smug hipster from the Apple commercials star in a comedy about a couple trying to have a relationship where one of them lives in Chicago and the other in L.A. This is probably easier for them than most because the dude most likely gets a deal on that new iPhone with the two-way camera and other nifty attachments.

Beer rating: If I want flat, stale beer I can just wait until after Labor Day and finish off what's left in the keg of PBR at my friend Tom's house.


The American, Machete, after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...


Takers



Oh, Matt Dillon, what has happened to your career? Here you are in a heist movie with a rapper who is in jail (T.I.) and a soul singer who beat his girlfriend (Chris Brown). You got your mind on your money and your money on your mind? Ouch.

Beer rating: I'm giving up drinking this week. No amount of beer could get me to see either of these movies. What a lousy summer it's been at the cinema.

The Last Exorcism, after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In this regular feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey usually guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions usually are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Usually. Until now...


A Chance in Hell



Believe it or not, I actually went to a movie, Supporting a local artist, I headed out to the Arcada last week for a screening of Tony Wash's Nazi zombie flick. Actually, it was more like a visual proposal, the first 30 minutes of a movie Wash would like to make on a bigger budget. He claims there is interest from producers to expand his opus and make the movie in Hungary -- which is the perfect name for a country where you would make a film about famished flesh eaters.

The night featured the behind-the-scenes DVD extras, too, which is pretty weird if you think about it. We're getting insight into a movie that MIGHT be made. Trippy. We also saw trailers for some indie films made by some of Wash's buddies and a short Wash made in Pittsburgh about a Realtor who is eaten by a monster living in the basement of a house she's showing.

Onto the actual movie review, its beer rating and KEVIN, after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...


Nanny McPhee



A sequel to a movie that looks like a rip-off of Mary Poppins and that brought in $100 million.

Beer rating: Bass Ale and my fuzzy slippers while I stay home for my own personal Julie Andrews film festival.


Piranha 3D, Vampires Suck, Lottery Ticket, The Switch, after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpg(PHOTO: The Cavaliers Drum and Bugle Corps of Rosemont perform "Mad World" July 1 in Oswego. Courtesy of cavaliers.org.)


Last Thursday, I headed over to the AMC in South Barrington, plopped down my $18 and attended the live simulcast of the quarterfinals of the Drum Corps International World Championships taking place at Lucas Oil Field in Indianapolis, the same place where Payton Manning makes a living.

cavaliers.jpgI don't know what I found more disturbing -- the middle-aged woman in the row in front of me sitting with her legs up on a railing as if she were going to give birth OR that a good many of the bands played scary shows.

Times are tough, and it's reflected in the performances, which, for the uninitiated, can seem strange anyway.

Take, for instance, the Cavaliers of Rosemont. The theme of the group's 12-minute show was "Mad World," that Tears for Fears song remade a few years ago as a haunting ballad.

The drill team in the all-male Cavaliers was dressed in trench coats, which was way too much of a reminder of Columbine for my tastes. Actually, after looking at Cavalier pictures online, the coats also recall Billy Idol videos from the 1980s. The team bellowed military chants about their rifles as they twirled and contorted. They formed a "Mad Circle" with some props, too. And, when the corps performed the Charlie Chaplin chestnut "Smile," the members donned white masks.

I half expected Heath Ledger to return from the dead as the Joker during the performance, which also seemed like an outtake from the director's cut of the last Batman flick.

As of Thursday night, the Cavaliers were in second place, behind the Blue Devils from California.


More scarily fabulous, or fabulously scary, drum corps performances (including the corps from nearby Rockford), after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...


The Expendables



By the title, I thought this movie might be about me, which would make me want to see it, because it's all about me. Then I find out it has all the middle-aged and older action heroes, plus my better looking evil twins, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bruce Willis. And it's written and directed and stars Sylvester Stallone, who seems even creepier than Mickey Rourke.

Beer rating: A six pack of Old Style Light.


Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Eat Pray Love, after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...


The Other Guys



Yet another cop buddy pic, this time with sexy Mark Wahlberg and dorky Will Ferrell. Derek Jeter has a cameo as himself. The cast also includes characters listed as "rastas." You think there are going to be any marijuana jokes?

Beer rating: How about I save the $10 ticket price, buy a growler at a brew pub instead, head home, flip through cable and find some Bruce Willis movie from the 80s?

Step Up 3D, Twelve, after the jump.

Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here are some movies playing this weekend...


Dinner for Schmucks



Apparently this is a remake of a French film where yuppie executives find amusement by seeing who can invite the biggest buffoon they can find to a dinner party. Steve Carrell plays the major league moron in a role that a couple decades ago would have belonged to Steve Martin.

Beer rating: Something no one really drinks anymore, and lots of it -- say Michelob.

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore and Charlie St. Cloud, after the jump.

Brew Reviews: Salt

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Thumbnail image for danahey2 copy.jpgNOTE: In a revival of this "classic" Friday feature, Courier-News reporter Mike Danahey guesses how much beer (or other beverage of choice) it might take him to pay money to see a recently-released movie. His opinions are based on trailers, ads and advance hype.

Here is the one movie opening this weekend...


Salt



This movie, starring Angelina Jolie Pitt Faith Gibson-Aiello, looks like a cross between the Jennifer Garner TV show, "Alias," and Matt Damon's "Bourne" movies. Do you think spies in the real world are as good-looking as any of the above? Not! If they were, then we would know who all the spies are. Spies probably look like my coworker, Dave Gathman. Or anybody in an accounting department. Anyway, this movie is the ONLY major studio release this weekend. What's up with that? And will the sequels to "Salt" be called "Pepper," "Condiments," "Of the Earth," or, my personal favorite, "Lick."

Brew review: I'm gonna save my beer money to buy DVDs of "She Spies," and Pamela Anderson's detective agency classic, "V.I.P."


WHAT?! You were looking for a REAL movie review? Our Sun-Times Media colleagues Roger Ebert at the Chicago Sun-Times and Josh Larsen at the Naperville Sun do a swell job at that.


-- Mike Danahey, Staff Writer




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