Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for visiting with me this evening. Now, I've traveled across half our state to be here and to talk about this blog. I daresay some of you might have heard some of the more extravagant rumors about what my plans are; I just thought you'd like to hear it from me. This is the face. There's no great mystery. I'm a blogger, ladies and gentlemen.
I have numerous entries spread across the Suburban Chicago Newspapers' blogosphere. I have many blogs flowing at millions of megabites per second. I like to think of myself as a blogster. As a blogster, I hope that you'll forgive just good old-fashioned satire.
Now, this work that I do is very much a New Media enterprise -- I work on the Internet, side by side with my cohorts in the Sun-Times News Group. I think one or two of you might have seen their other blogs. And I encourage my colleagues to leave comments, as well. Of course it makes for an ever so much more rewarding experience for me.
Now something else, and please don't be insulted if I speak about this -- page views. Let's talk about page views. Now to my mind, it's an abomination to consider that any man, woman or child in this magnificent blogosphere of ours should have to look upon page views as a luxury.
Nevertheless, I'm going to post more blogs and the reason is simple. Page views mean popularity, popularity means money. And more money for me means having bigger cars, bigger houses and bigger children.
I'm going to post nonstop from my Blackberry. You're going to have more blogs than you'll know what to do with. Blogs will be coming right out of your ears, ma'am.
More blogs. More hyperlinks. More online videos, more page views. These are just a few of the things I can offer you. And I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that if I do increase page views here, and I think there's a very good chance that I will, this blog of mine will not only survive, it will flourish.
And if I fail, one night I'm gonna come to you, inside of your house, wherever you're surfing the web, and I'm gonna cut your cable modem.
Herald News staffer Brian Delaney reportedly works behind the
scenes as a page designer/copy editor and is a delegate for The Newspaper
Guild. He is a graduate of NIU and holds a yellow belt in Korean martial
arts. When Delaney is not cutting invasive brush at Midewin or crashing his
mountain bike in Chicago, the self-described "billionaire playboy" uses his
uncanny Photoshop abilities to entertain a worldwide audience.
Hope the content of your upcoming postings have value. Care to explain how popularity equates to monetary gain? That seems to be the never-ending question of all bloggers.
One of your best! Can't wait for the next one:)
John Feeney,
I believe the question of most bloggers is: How soon will I be sued for cyber libel?
Popularity is to monetary gain as page views is to online advertising dollars.
Thanks for stopping by.
(makes cash register noise)