There's a guy in downtown Joliet having the time of his life right now. Though, he is not in a bar or casino. He's in the Will County Jail.
Once a feared and respectable place of confinement, the newly renovated facility has turned into a riotous frat house since the arrival of Drew Peterson. He may be behind bars, but it sure sounds like he's getting the royal treatment of a Saudi oil sheik. He's privileged with a private shower, his own room, a law library, a personal driver, armed bodyguards-- the list goes on.
Peterson has been busy hanging out in his cozy abode since May 7, facing a couple first-degree murder charges stemming from the death of his third wife Kathleen Savio. According to convicted sources on the inside, Drew is steaming mad about the jail's food selection. Say, how would you like to be a jail chef and have, of all people, Drew Peterson slam your southern-style cooking?
Aside from the food, I'm going to guess that his cot isn't exactly a king-size Posturepedic. My main concern is how Drew manages to pass the time. It's boring being in solitary confinement. That is, until defense attorney Joel Brodsky shows up.
According to Joe Hosey reports, Will County State's Attorney Jiminy Glasgow is now asking the court to order Brodsky and Peterson to cut out their jailhouse card games. Glasgow filed a motion alleging Brodsky showed up for a May 24 visit with Peterson at 1:10 p.m. Ten minutes later, according to the motion, Peterson and Brodsky were playing cards, doing shots of Jack and hitting on female-looking guards. Okay, so the last two items aren't entirely true. There are, in fact, very attractive women who work in law enforcement.
But seriously, does Glasgow have to file a motion to stop Drew's only entertainment? Give the guy a break. Drew hasn't even been convicted of anything yet and he's being busted for some Agin-the-Law Card Playin' when the warden wasn't looking. Shucks. Next they'll take away his personal phone time. How will Drew continue to spoil potential jury pools if he can't be heard on Mancow or WLS?
So what's a guy gotta do to get poor old Peterson out of the can? His only feasible option is to secretly keep playing no-limit Texas Hold 'Em in hopes of pulling in $2 million. Otherwise, he'll continue to use soap on a rope a little longer.
Peterson returns to court June 17. In the mean time, could we get a couple beers in there for him?
Herald News staffer Brian Delaney reportedly works behind the
scenes as a page designer/copy editor and is a delegate for The Newspaper
Guild. He is a graduate of NIU and holds a yellow belt in Korean martial
arts. When Delaney is not cutting invasive brush at Midewin or crashing his
mountain bike in Chicago, the self-described "billionaire playboy" uses his
uncanny Photoshop abilities to entertain a worldwide audience.
