An Aurora man this week set the Guinness World Record for “spinning.” (Spinning used to be something pre-schoolers did on a toy called a Sit-N-Spin Now it’s something that yuppies and soccer moms and guys who want to break records do in a health club.)
George Hood rode for nine days. ‘Holy cannoli!,’ you’re thinking. Only it’s not THAT impressive. At least, it’s not a record I’m impressed with. In my mind, records should go to people who ride until they fall asleep and their foot slips off the pedal, running their shin against metal, bloodying it, or until they crap themselves in their seat and, facing sheer embarrassment, give up.
According to the story,
During the nine-day event, stats to date confirm George rode 1,991 miles and burned 46,087 calories. He took 57 breaks with a combined elapsed time of 12 hours and 40 minutes. Of that time 9 hours and 36 minutes were used for sleep.
Would I want to ride the equivalent of a trip from Detroit to Los Angeles over 9 days? Absolutely not. But, should a man who got to take breaks and sleep for an hour and a half a day deserve a Guiness World Record? I’m not so sure.
This is what records are supposed to be. A Chinese guy now holds the record for the longest direct, full-body contact with ice. He was buried up to his neck in ice for one hour and 30 minutes. Imagine if he was able to grab a hot shower, get a cup of hot chocolate and then get back into the drink for another hour.
In the spirit of trying to break a ridiculous record, I’ve perused the Guinness Book’s Web site and found three records that I think the readers of this blog can easily help me break:
1) Most people dressed as video games characters. The largest gathering of people dressed as video games characters consisted of 80 people in full costume on The Millennium Bridge, London, UK on 11 March 2007.
The hardest part, I think will be thinking of 80-plus characters to emulate. Either way, I’ve got dibs on the red Contra guy. Who wants to join me as the blue guy?
2)Most people in a floating line. The record for the most people in a floating line is 42 and was achieved by the employees of ITG Israel in Tel Aviv, Israel on 23 December 2007.
I’m not sure what “floating line” means, but I bet we can get four dozen people to don bathing suits and float together. The fatter you are, the easier it is, so I should be able to help no problem.
3) Most expensive haircut The world record for the most expensive hair cut is 8,000 pounds and was made by Stuart Phillips at the Stuart Phillips Salon in Covent Garden, London, UK, on 29 October 2007.
According to my calculations, that’s only $15,514. If there’s some rich guy reading, I’ll cut your hair for $30,000. It won’t look good, but at that price, we should have a Guinness Record for quite some time. And if somebody beats us, you can come back for a trim at $100,000. I’ll even donate half the proceeds to the charity of your choice.
UPDATE: George “the spinner” Hood apparently has his own blog, courtesy of one of our sister papers.
According to it,
Under Guinness World Record rules, he is allowed to accumulate five minutes of break time for every hour riding on the stationary bike, then use those break minutes for intermittent longer breaks.
Where I come from, an hour lasts 60 minutes, not 55.
Patrick Ferrell, is a staff reporter for The Herald News in Joliet. and the Sun Times News Group. Patrick covers education and politics. When he’s not ranting about something, Patrick can usually be found watching a race or careening down a ski slope. He resides in Will County with his wife, Laura, and the couple’s Portuguese water dog, Oscar, and bloodhound named Duke.
You have high standards Patrick!