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Lifestyles: March 2009 Archives

Loserland

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Once, we were known as the Land of Lincoln. After the Illini loss to the mid-major Western Kentucky Hilltoppers in Thursday night's NCAA early exit, we are a land of losers. The Cubs haven't won a World Series in over a century; the Bears look confused and training camp doesn't open for several months. The Bulls and Blackhawks --- put a fork in them for post-season sizzle.

Plus, we'll soon be paying more in taxes and license fees. Which is why The Hound is starting a petition drive to have the top tier of counties --- our own Lake, along with McHenry, Boone, Winnebago, Stephenson and Jo Daviess --- pull up stakes and head north to Wisconsin.

Let's face it, once corporations see what they'll pay in taxes under Gov. Pat Quinn's tax hike proposal, all the jobs will be in Kenosha County anyway. We might as well emigrate north legally, before the exodus begins. Besides, before Illinois became a state, we were part of the Wisconsin territory, which went as far south as the lower end of Lake Michigan.

Certainly this is a drastic step for those of us who consider ourselves flatlanders, but we have no choice. At least the Packers have at least won a few Super Bowls since 1986. It is time to escape the State of Taxation and head to greener and cheesier pastures.

Write or call your legislators and ask them to begin the process of leaving Illinois. Only Winnebago County would have to change its name (Rockford County?). There is no Lake County in Wisconsin, nor the others.

The Hound believes Wisconsinites would welcome us with open arms. After all, Illinois green has made Wisconsin green for decades. It's time for reciprocation. Saddle up!