Sports: September 2008 Archives

At one time, Chicago was the city Billy Sunday couldn't shut down. It was hog butcher to the world, city of big shoulders as Carl Sandburg said. Right now, it once again is the laughing stock of the National League. For a change, it's not because of the Cubs.

Chicago officials, led by by Mayor Richard M. Daley, want to cap the serving of alcoholic beverages during "clinch" games from the seventh inning at Wrigleyville saloons until the end while the Cubs burn their way to the World Series this October. What are they thinking?

Once again, they're not. These are the same people who have made Chicago a "sanctuary city" for illegal immigrants. These are the same people who banned foie gras. These are the same people who banned gun ownership. These are the same people who have turned nearly half the city's taxable property into tax-increment districts.

What a bunch of party poopers. What are they afraid of? Chicago has some of the meanest cops --- at least when they're off duty and beating the you-know-what out of barmaids and suburbanites. Put some cops in the area around the ballpark and let them beat up on any drunkards who decide they want to rip off some World Series souvenirs. Let's face it, Chicago cops haven't had a chance for wholesale beatings and the possibility of getting away with it since the 1968 Democratic convention.

Besides, what does this say about the city hosting a world-class event, like the 2016 Olympics? You think Cubs fans can get out of control? City officials obviously haven't met European soccer hooligans.

Cub Nation is ebullient today after the team clinched the Central Division championship for the second year in a row and for the first time in a century. Does anybody see destiny here in '08? Don't get your hopes up, Cubbie fans.

The Hound's relatives always talk about what could have been back in '45, '69, '84, '03, '07. The only year nobody gripes about is '89. How come? As most of you Cub fans sober up today after a clinch party happening rave-up, remember several things.

Clinching the division is just one goal. Last year the Cubs won the division and then went on to lose to the Arizona Diamondbacks three straight. It's called focus, folks. That's what Lou Piniella gets paid for. Let's see if he's better this year, than last when the post season begins.

And, let's ignore those Central Division champion hats. Those are UGLY with a capital u and g and l and y. Who designed those hats with those colors? During the celebration, were some Cubs wearing Sarah Palin glasses? After watching the party a dozen times, The Hound can attest those were snorkel glasses and not dental hygenist specs.

The Hound, though, is behind the Eddie Vedder song to take the Cubs to the World Series. Yet, it stlll doesn't match Chicago Shorty's ditty. If you don't know who that is, ask your older brother or an uncle. Go Cubs!

Usually, gubernatorial or legislative proclamations are reserved for special occasions. The Hound isn't sure if pitching a no-hitter is one of those times. But Gov. Rod "Cuckoo" Blagojevich thinks so.

That's why on Tuesday he proclaimed Carlos Zambrano Day in Illinois. Those downstaters who are St. Louis Cardinals' fans might recall the Z-Man threw a no-hit game Sunday against the Houston Astros at Milwaukee's Miller Field. That proclamation must grate those folks in Belleville. The Hound believes if you get south of Kankakee the rest of Illinois might be a red state for Cardinal red.

OK, so Zambrano broke a 36-year dry spell of no-hitters for the Cubs. It is a milestone and it was the first neutral-site no-hitter in history. But does it deserve a gubernatorial "atta boy"? Did Milt Pappas get a proclamation from Republican Gov. Richard Ogilvie back in September 1972 when he threw his no-no? No, no. Ogilvie actually was running the state back in the day.

What is it with these pols who will stoop to this kind of pandering? Some Democrats might wish Sen. Barack Obama would have pandered to Cub Nation.

If the Cubs make the post-season, The Hound suggests Obama stay close to Cellular Field. It might be embarassing to get booed in your hometown and find that on the highlight reel of the evening news.

The Hound has heard some lame excuses over the years, but the reason Waukegan High School postponed its non-conference tilt Saturday with Maine East was the district didn't want to tear up Weiss Field. The district's groundskeeper must be The Turfinator to run that one by school officials and get it approved.

The reasoning, The Hound was told, is that playing in the drenching rain would devastate the field for the rest of the season. Twenty-two players would chew up the turf, leaving it a grassy, muddy mess. So. If it's that bad for the next game, just spray paint what's left. Start thinking out of the box. After all, you are educators.

The Hound didn't notice a whole lot of dry grass on Monday afternoon, when the rescheduled game was played. So instead of playing in the rain, the molly-coddling district turned tough high school footballers into a bunch of namby-pambies.

The Hound can hear future opponents: They were afraid to get wet! They're afraid of mud! They might have wrecked the field! And that's the clean ones.

Then again, this might have been a field of dreams. The last time The Hound checked, the Bulldogs were pummeling Maine East on Monday afternoon by a score of 41-7. Maybe two-and-half-days of rest was good for the players and for the sod, which wasn't busted.

There's a whole bunch of fantasy football owners who are hurting today and for the rest of the season. The reason? Tom Terrific of the New England Patriots is out for who knows how long.

The Hound hasn't understood fantasy football --- it's obviously a human thing --- but there's enough fantasy fans to make it a multi-million dollar industry, perhaps more. There's Web sites galore for fantasy geeks to judge their draft day picks.

The Hound knows several fantasy players, including one Lake County league where the second overall pick was Tom Brady, he of the left knee operation which leaves the Pats without the signal caller who took them to three Zuper Bowls. If you picked Brady, your season is over, bolo boys. By the way, first overall pick was LaDainian Tomlinson of the San Diego Bolts.

In that same fantasy league, one lucky guy picked up Michael "The Burner" Turner, who ran wild once left to his own devices in Atlanta and not a backup to Tomlinson. By the way, Turner was a North Chicago Warhawk and went to Northern Illinois University, that windswept school in DeKalb. This same guy selected Brett Favre, seeing that he is now a Nuevo York Jet and not a hated Packer.

How many of you picked Aaron Rodgers? Suckers. Does The Hound feel sorry for you who jumped on the Brady bandwagon? Nope. It's just a fantasy, fools.

All of you who we're watching the Cubs game Saturday night, after that grand slam in the bottom of the ninth: Did you think the Reds were going to come from behind and extend the Cubs' losing streak to seven games? If so, you're a Nervous Nellie, which is not to be confused with Nervous Charlies.

But, the Cubs prevailed and stopped their skid at six games, blasting out of their slump with a final score of 14-9. The North Siders still have a four game lead on the Brewers with less than a month to go in the season. OK, there is some nervousness at The Hound's doghouse over the arm of Carlos Zambrano.

Perhaps that feeling in the ninth inning is from years of being disappointed by the Cubs, which have broken more hearts than teen Lotharios and turned hundreds of youngsters into Sox fans (at least in 2005). Kids love to back a winner. At least this kid does.

So there's a one game winning streak. It could be two after today. Go, Cubs.