For this post we feature an entry sent to us by Andrew Kriz, an alumnus of Naperville's Neuqua Valley High School and a law student at the University of Iowa. Andrew writes about a friend who was planning to go to Neuqua's prom tonight (5.2), but was denied the chance because he missed the deadline to buy a ticket. Are school administrators being too harsh? Or is this one of life's important lessons?
Andrew's post continues below.
http://firstflooriowa.com/2008/05/02/prom-woes/
Prom Woes
May 2, 2008 by Andrew
I have a friend that is a Senior in High School and tonight is his Senior Prom. When most of us think of our High School Prom we think of good or funny things - - Like the blue tux that your friend wore, the crazy night you had with your friends out until 5am, or that special kiss you stole at the end of the night. My friend, unfortunately, will not have these fond memories (Believe it or not this post is law related) because of a few strict administrators at Neuqua Valley High School and a contract the school had with the Banquet Hall chosen for the night, Drury Lane in Oakbrook Terrace, Illinois.
So my friend's group rented their Tuxes, the Limousine, the trip to Geneva the next day all planned out, just one thing missing, the tickets. The deadline for buying tickets was Wednesday. Every male in the group got their tickets on time except one, he forgot until Thursday morning. He went to buy them on Thursday thinking no big, really only 12 hours late, and they denied him the opportunity to purchase tickets to his High School Prom. The Administrators served my friend with, what Aurthur Bonfield likes to call, "The Writ of Tough Bananas." To my understanding because of security concerns the school had to submit an approved list of attendees to the venue and if they changed that list it would create a breach of contract resulting in a set fee of somewhere around $500. My friend's group doesn't know what to do, how can they go without two of their friends?
How many times has something important gone way off your radar? As law students we like to think not many, but we're human just like everyone else. Just the other day I accidentally forgot about a meeting and it was a well needed reminder during finals time that I am indeed NOT a robot. Regardless of our margin of human error, yeah, the kid screwed up, big time. Still, this won't be one of those screw ups he'll be likely to forget.
One of the things I've come to learn repeatedly here in law school is that there is a notion of justice and equity that runs through all disciplines of the law. Sometimes cases are decided in a way that makes them entirely inconsistent with the law, many times because it is just or equitable to go against the principals in a specific case. To law students preparing for finals, these cases drive us mad, but during the semester it's a different story - to decide these cases consistent with the law feels wrong, like justice is not being served. This seems to be the case for my friend. It just doesn't feel right to disallow a high school senior entry into his prom- separate him from the community he has striven to be a part of for four years. If he came to the door expecting to get in without a ticket and no complaints prior, this would be a different story, but with several days advance warning? This is just one of those cases that doesn't sit right in my stomach.
My daughter went to prom this year. Her costs...
dress - $125 She chose a classic long dress she will be able to use for any formal occasion in the next ten years. She plans on reusing it.
shoes - $0 She reused the shoes she wore to the last three dances
hair - $50 Needed an updo that would last through part of a track meet.
nails - $0 She did them herself with stuff she already had
makeup - $0 Again, done herself with the things she already had.
ticket - $$32.50 half price due to conflict with track sectional meet that meant she would not arrive until halfway through prom
transportation - under $5 Her share of the gas since she, her date and another couple drove themselves
Total costs? $207.50
Her dates cost was the tuxedo, his half price ticket, and his share of the gas.
Prom does not have to cost a huge fortune. You do not need a limo to get there. You do not need a $400 dress that you will never wear again. You can reuse some things that you have used for other dances.
I guess I should count my blessing that I have a daughter who sees no reason to go overboard on a one night thing. Did she have a good time? Yes, a great one. She looked absolutely gorgeous too. Her choosing to go a more frugal route did not in any way impact the time she had that day or at prom.
Granted, I went to prom 10 years ago, but I paid $150 for a dress, $50 for hair, $30 for shoes, and probably $2 for pantyhose. So I could see a girl paying $300 for prom. But $1000 for a boy? Is that including the cost of a room at the Motel Six and a couple of bottles of Boones Farm wine for after the dance, or what?
A local (DuPage County) radio station was talking about prom costs recently. The on air person said that a recent poll/study/research estimated that the average DuPage County prom couple would spend approx $1300 to go to the prom - $300 for the boy, $1000 for the girl. Is this insane or what?
Didn't the words "because of security concerns the school had to submit an approved list of attendees to the venue" not sit well with anyone else?
For pete's sake, have prom back in the HS gym with a local band and stop making it such a big deal. No wonder kids have literally been there, done that by age 17.
Life isn't fair, build a bridge and get over it. To clarify, NVHS is NOT one of the most wealthy/privileged hs in the nation. But nice try living your life thru rose colored glasses. That statment reveals the lack of 'worldliness'
Why is subject even on Potluck? No ticket, no prom. Now get a life.
Gee, I guess I'll see this guy at COD this fall, enraged because all the classes he wanted are full because he "forgot" to register in time. And he's enrolling at COD because he "forgot" to send in applications to real schools by their posted deadline.
Kids these days have been raised to have zero accountability for their actions, and their parents have raised them to expect someone else to think for them (yeah mom & dad, I'm looking at you).
NVHS is one of the most wealthy and most privileged high schools in the nation. I can't bring myself to feel sorry for any of the spoiled brats that missed prom at that school because they didn't feel that the rules applied to them - a trend that will unfortunately continue into their college years.
Prom is a privilege, not a right. I am sure that the deadline for buying tickets was published often. Kids knew when tickets were being sold and when they needed to have them by. Looking at the Neuqua Valley website, prom tickets were initially supposed to be on sale from April 14-18 and 21-22. (This was in the Senior Newsletter link.) Another announcement on the website stated "Tickets are on sale through Wednesday, April 30. There will be no ticket sales after that date." The school obviously allowed some extra time from when they first published their sales dates if they were allowing students to buy them through the beginning of this week. They are also pretty clear that they would not sell tickets after that date. There is no reason for your friend to have forgotten to buy his tickets. I might understand if tickets were sold on one day only, but he had plenty of opportunities to get his tickets. He was able to remember to take the time to go and rent a tux, so he should have been able to remember this.
Yes your friend screwed up. Now he needs to quit whining and get over it. Prom is not and should not be the most important thing about high school. Besides, he can still attend all of the post prom activities with his friends.
If this is one of those screw ups that he can't forget, then maybe he'll learn from it and learn not to wait until the last minute for things in the future.
Yes, I went to prom my senior year. My memories? All I really remember about the dance itself was that my date was a my best guy friend, and it was held at the Paramount Arts Center. Most of what I remeber is about the next day hanging out at the Dunes. That was when the best memories took place.
I understand your empathy towards your friend and I hate the thought of anyone missing his or her prom. However as a high school counselor, I do recognize an increasing problem among young adults when it comes to meeting deadlines and/or taking the deadlines seriously. Also, as a mother of a teen I take some of the responsibility for that. I think we have stop letting our kids suffer consequences and we are too quick to step in and save the day. I think this is why we have so many "helicopter parents" now hovering over their children every move and not allowing him or her to grow up. Even colleges are struggling now to find out the best way to deal with parents calling professors to check on grades,etc.
I would imagine the school had every kind of announcement possible (intercom, written, etc) to remind your friend to buy his tickets. Most schools will set a deadline date that is in advance of the "real" deadline date needed to confirm reservations with a venue. However, I don't think the school should be morally obligated to do so.
This is really a no brainer.
He was late and in order for the school to make an exception and include him it would cost the school and students $500.
He pays the $500 bucks and he gets to go.
He does not pay it and he does not go. Why should others suffer to the tune of $500 bucks because he forgot? Let it be a lesson learned. If it was that important to him, he would never have forgotten. It was obviously not that important to him.
He made the mistake and others should not have to PAY for his MISTAKE!
A good law student should be able to figure that one out on his own without troubling the Sun Blog Site.
Honestly! Remove this thread! It is silly! It is a waste of brain power!