Look, us Sox fans will always love Juan Uribe for those final two outs of the 2005 World Series. Always. (It is true that if Derek Jeter, or A-Rod, or Mike Lowell or whoever else plays East of Pennsylvania, they'd go down in history and be replayed endlessly.)
But, the cold hard truth is that Juan Uribe sucks. Badly. At the plate, he's not even a black hole. He's a hole that even a black hole gets sucked into.
It's not just the average. It's the OBP. He hasn't gotten on base 29% of the time since '05. That's a level of suck not matched my many regulars that didn't toss the rawhide with Jake Taylor in the Mexican League...
Fret not Sox fans, as of today - May 2 - there are a ton of other guys that suck like Juan Uribe....so many that you have to read on to see them all...
(this is how I found these guys. I only looked at the regular starters for each of the 32 major league teams...then I found guys who had an under .300 OBP so far in '08)
So even though we hate Uribe, trust that fans in these cities are hating these guys just as much...only not really, because they know that they'll get better...which actually gives us no solace at all...
Here's the fun part - save this page and at the end of the year let's see how many of these guys suck like Uribe at the end of the season! Yay!
I'm like Uribe in '08 (but if you look at my career numbers, I'm a real major leaguer!)
Shawn Riggans, Tampa catcher - a little unfair, since he has less than 100 career at bats...but he's on his way...
Jason Bartlett, Tampa shortstop
Jason Varitek, Boston catcher
Mike Lowell, Boston third baseman
Ramon Hernandez, Baltimore catcher
Kevin Millar, Baltimore first baseman
Melvin Mora, Baltimore shortstop
Robinson Cano, New York Yankees second baseman
Juan Uribe, Chicago second baseman
Asdrubal Cabrera, Cleveland second baseman
Jhonny Peralta, Cleveland shorstop
Jacque Jones, Detroit left fielder
Mike Lamb, Minnesota third baseman
Carlos Gomez, Minnesota center fielder
Jason Kubel, Minnesota right fielder
Tony Pena, Kansas City shortstop - how many times you think his agent will call Kenny Williams when the Royals finally cut this schlomoe?
Joey Gathright, Kansas City center fielder
Jose Guillen, Kansas City right fielder
Maicer Izturis, Anaheim second baseman
Garrett Anderson, Anaheim left fielder
Travis Buck, Oakland right fielder
Kenji Johjima, Seattle catcher
Jose Vidro, Seattle designated hitter
Ben Broussard, Texas first baseman
Carlos Ruiz, Philadelphia catcher
Pedro Feliz, Philadelphia third baseman
Eric Bruntlett, Philadelphia shortstop
Carlos Delgado, New York Mets first baseman
Mike Jacobs, Florida first baseman
Ryan Zimmerman, Washington third baseman
Wily Mo Pena, Washington left fielder
Alfonso Soriano, Chicago left fielder
Bill Hall, Milwaukee third baseman
Geoff Blum, Houston third baseman
Michael Bourn, Houston center fielder
Hunter Pence, Houston right fielder
Corey Patterson, Cincinnati center fielder - The outfield-version of Juan Uribe
Adam LaRoche, Pittsburgh first baseman
Freddy Sanchez, Pittsburgh second baseman
Jose Bautista, Pittsburgh third baseman
Brian Bixler, Pittsburgh shortstop - Again, not really fair since its the kid's rookie of the year...but my God, how bad is Pittsburgh??
Andruw Jones, Los Angeles center fielder
Rich Aurilia, San Francisco first baseman
Jose Castillo, San Francisco third baseman
Brian Bocock, San Francisco shortstop - another true rookie
Yorvit Torrealba, Colorado catcher
Jayson Nix, Colorado second baseman - another rookie
Troy Tulowitzki, Colorado shortstop
Josh Bard, San Diego catcher
Kevin Kouzmanoff, San Diego third baseman
Khalil Greene, San Diego shortstop
Scott Hairston, San Diego left fielder
JIm Edmonds, San Diego center fielder