Mike Gundy

Jim Mora

Allen Iverson

Bobby Knight - Parental discretion strongly advised, because Bobby is really, really not happy about losing to #^&*@* Purdue.

Ken Griffey Jr. paid up a debt to former Sox hurler and current Reds teammate Josh Fogg in a great way - in change! Which got me thinking of Seinfeld, naturally, and how many times change was used in the name of hilarity!

Pennies can also be used for "jacking" - which creates the need for reverse peepholes...

* Lou has no idea about how to put together a batting order, despite the fact the Cubs are one of the one of the highest-scoring teams in the league.
* Derrek Lee never gets hits at the right time, despite the fact he is on pace for close to 40 homers and 120 RBIs. Oh yeah, that even though Kosuke Fukudome is an on-base machine (.426 OBP) and has either started and/or kept alive more rallies this year than any player in recent team history, he is overrated for the same reason.
* Alfonso Soriano and Aramis Ramirez need to both be traded, ASAP.
* Jim Edmonds is going to make the team better, even though he is slower in the field and has a lower batting average than Felix Pie, the guy he is replacing.
* Matt Murton is the final piece to the Cubs' World Series puzzle.
* And so on. See what I mean?

The team is actually GOOD! Shouldn't we Cub fans be enjoying this? Even a little?

2) Big Brown might be the coolest name for a horse ever. Maybe it's because he is so good, but the name just screams "I'm going to whip your...". Then again, he is so good, his name could be I'm A Steaming Pile Of Donkey Crap and I would probably think that was cool, too. I'm easily amused.

3) If it rains in Indianapolis Saturday (as is expected), Sunday's Indy 500 time trials -- with 22 starting spots still up for grabs -- could be one of the most dramatic days at the Brickyard in recent memory. Which will then be surpassed by next Sunday's race, the first unified open-wheel 500 in 13 years. My early-line pick to click? Dan Wheldon.

4) If Cedric Benson were a 1,500-yard back we wouldn't be having any of the discussions that have been dominating the sports pages for the last week. Then again, if he were a 1,500-yard back he would have probably gotten off with a warning. And, if he had half as much heart as Earl Campbell, who criticized him yesterday for his actions, he would probably be a 1,500-yard back.

5) If it weren't for the likes of Calvin Murphy (14 illegitimate kids), Travis Henry (nine) and Shawn Kemp (seven), I might think that Lance Briggs is one of the dumbest pro athletes on the planet. Doesn't the guy ever drive past a Walgreens?

But that's not the type of speed you need. You need this kind of speed...

To maximize speed, read on for more tips from Jeff Schmidt of Phillips Park G.C. & Fox Valley Golf Club, as well as Lou Solarte.

Also included is the commercial that inspired this week's golf page, as well as some videos of your favorite player's swings on the tee.

at the bottom of each story is an advertisement for ring tones about that particular subject, whether it be "Tampa Bay Devil Rays Ringtones" (yes, that's what it says) .. no word on if the ringtone is actually crickets with an echo...

i'm sure someone is dying for "NASCAR Ringtones" ... I wonder how many rings it would take for one of those guys to run through all their sponsors...

I was saddened to see that there were no "Golf Ringtones" - how fun would it be to get Verne Lundquist's "Yes sir!" on Jack's putt in '86 or his "Oh Wow, In your life have you seen anything like that" on Tiger's chip, or even a Rory Sabbatini soundbite saying "Tiger is more beatable than ever!"...or a snippet of John Daly singing in a Hooters Tent...

There's no "Horse Racing Ringtone", which presumably means no "Secretariat has opened a 22-length lead!" or the occasional shotgun blast...

Sorry - no "New England Patriot Ringtones", though there is a webcam/video option available in which Bill Belichick can only see you...when you're not looking...

anyway...curiosity finally got to me and I clicked on "Chicago Cubs Ringtones" which is provided by Celly Tonez. but that's as far as I got because I really don't trust companies that take a word, pluralize it, and then add a "Z" at the end to make it sound cool.

Sorry.

Aurora University is still in the hunt and would be a good choice for the 6-foot-2 shooting guard who had a banner senior season for coach Nate Drye.

Intriguing, though, is speculation that new Western Illinois University coach Jim Molinari wants Adams to walk on to the team in Macomb. The bet here is, he'd then earn that D-1 scholarship.

Unfortunately, this won't get as much play as it should, but I was shocked to hear that Annika Sorenstam is going to retire from competitive golf after this year.

Golf is a sport that can be played a high level until a player is in their early 40's - for both men and women - so to hear her want to pack up the clubs at 37 was surprising.

What's also interesting is that she's exiting like Michael Jordan (the first and second times) - at the top of her sport, as arguably the greatest player ever in her sport, but holding few key records.
(click the following to see where MJ ranks in career points, ppg average, field goals and free throws. )

Annika made women's golf watchable. She inspired many of the young players you see now. But she's not the all time leader in major championships or career victories on the LPGA Tour...which may be more surprising to most observers than the fact that she's retiring.

She's third in all-time wins including three wins this year) with 72 - 16 behind Kathy Witworth - and tied for fourth in career majors with 10 - five behind Patty Berg.

What makes this announcement so interesting is that this is the way the game of golf is going to go for those at the very top of the LPGA and PGA Tours in the coming years.
Current women's world No. 1 Lorena Ochoa has said she's going to call it quits after 10 years in the game.

And don't think that Tiger Woods won't hang it up well before he's eligible for the Champions Tour (which is only 18 years away). The guy is already coming off his 3rd knee surgery...

Same goes with guys like Ernie Els, Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia.

The money is too great now - and golfers seem to spend (and more importantly, save) it better than their counterparts in other pro sports. They won't need to keep teeing it up in their late 40's or their 50's.

...
or this one to Omar Infante

Now, this one is really, really disturbing. There are several tributes to The Fire and The Passion, Aaron Rowand, but none from Sox fans. (which is refreshing, actually)
Now, tell me how in the world this person mixed in some Willie Mays with The Fire and The Passion....well, I actually know how and why...and methinks that posting another pic of Snoop Dogg would fit right in...

Unfortunately, TV sucks that way. So thanks to this guy for making the connection in print, and thanks to me for throwing up these photos of the S-N-double O- P hitting the links.

what are the chances?

I also caught the very end of a movie called "Beyond the Law" starring Charlie Sheen in a bad beard. (doesn't this trailer just get you all fired up?)
I turned it on just in time for The Slow Clap scene, initiated by a balding, mulleted man in one of those Party City-brand FBI jackets.

I wonder if in the scripts of those movies the writer's put it like this
Charlie Sheen walks in
Cut to bald, mulleted man in Party City-brand FBI jacket.
Bald, mulleted man in Party City-brand FBI jacket slowly rises.
Cut to Sheen, looking out quizzically at the dead silent room.
Cut back to bald, mulleted man in Party City-brand FBI jacket.
Begin slow clap
Cut to Sheen, looking out quizzically at the dead silent room, save one slow clapper
Cut back to bald, mulleted and now clapping man in Party City-brand FBI jacket
Every other extra rises and joins in the slow clap
Clap gets fast and crazy
Cut to Sheen, looking out quizzically at the now clapping room

Anyone else loving The Slow Clap? Got any favorites? This one was pretty good, I must say. I mean, I totally didn't see it coming - especially not from the balding, mulleted man in the Party-City brand FBI jacket. Wow.

Here's a montage of some great Slow Claps

One of the best stats you can keep for yourself is your Greens In Regulation, and what it means is pretty simple: the more you hit, the lower your scores. (Or, if you hit a ton of greens in regulation but you're still making bogey or worse, then your putting is your foil.)

Read on for more tips from Aurora Country Club head pro Pete Latkiewicz and Mistwood Golf Club and useful links on Mistwood, Bolingbrook Golf Club, Whitetail Ridge and more!

My Dad definitely had a lot to do with it, too. I think about him a lot this time of year because it's getting to a time of the year that reminds me of our shared passions -- golf and the Indy 500.

But Moms like mine don't get enough credit. Sure, we recognize them for driving us all over the place, sitting in the stands and cheering for us and doing all of the little things (like washing our uniforms or making sure our equipment was where we could find it) that help make our lives easier. And they are definitely good at that. Heck, I think when it comes to that my own wife, Deedee, is a true all-star. My two guys are lucky to have her love and support.

But there are some that are a little more "hands on", and that was my mom. A great athlete in her own right who if she had come along post-Title IX would have surely been All-Something or another and a Division I athlete, she seemed to like to play almost as much as I did. Growing up in a family of brothers, she could hold her own on the ball field, played varsity tennis and was such a good ice skater she once won a city-wide speed skating competition in her hometown.

We still play golf together at times, and because my dad traveled a lot while I was growing up, she also taught me to play tennis, hit me ground balls whenever I asked, gave me batting tips (like when she told me to stop swinging the bat like I thought I was Johnny Mize!) and would shoot some hoops in the driveway if I asked.

Since my sister and I both started running a few years ago, she has gotten up at the crack of dawn to watch us run races, and last year followed me along on a bike as I put in a 14-mile run in preparation for the Chicago Marathon.

Did I mention that she is almost 71 years old?

An amazing person in every sense of the word, I definitely love her greatly and miss her bunches since she spends most of her time in Florida. Still, I am so thankful that I had a person like her in my life and am grateful for the time and energy she gave me while I was growing up.

So Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Look forward to seeing you next week!

Here is a great video from over there!

I usually like to link to these types of things, but you need to see it here - this is from the Associated Press' Doug Ferguson, one of the best in the business: Make sure to read the whole thing...

NO CADDIES ALLOWED

A half-dozen players not eligible for the pro-am last week on the LPGA Tour were on the putting green, with their caddies standing on the fringe. That's courtesy of a daft new policy that bans caddies from being on the practice green between the hours of 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Turns out a couple of players were having a putting contest when a caddie was standing in their line. They asked him to move, he did, but that wasn't enough. They went to the commissioner to complain about crowded conditions on the green, and a new policy was enacted.

The fine for a caddie being on the green--to work with his player's mechanics or retrieve balls from the cup--is $500.

The policy even applies to the chipping area, and it's peculiar to see players hit three or four chips, then shag their own golf balls.

Count Juli Inkster among those who think the policy is bordering on ridiculous.

"You know what? It's women," she said when asked for a comment. "If you just put that down, everyone will know what you mean. Just capitalize 'women' and you don't need to explain anything else."

What? Helllooooo all you ladies in the media!!!?? Where are you going to be on that one? To me, that's more disrespectful towards women than anything the White Sox did with an inflatable doll because, well, Inkster is talking about real, living, breathing people!

I saw this on Yahoo! Three hours and 37 minutes ago, which is long enough for people to pick up on it. And I'll be honest - I'll be more than a little disappointed if this gets no play from the same media types that bashed the White Sox...

I wasn't going to see the new Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher movie "What Happens in Vegas," because, quite frankly, it looks too stupid -- even for my tastes. But after hearing Kutcher on ESPN radio the other day I changed my mind.

The question was (paraphrasing) "If you could play any position for any professional team, what would it be."

Kutcher's answer: Middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears. (paraphrasing) "That team has so much tradition and they've had so many great players at that position, it would be awesome to be part of that."

Butkus. Singletary. Urlacher ...

And Kutcher?

At least he'd be a lot less whiney that Urlacher.