August 2007 Archives

Swami was 12-5 in the first week of high school football selections. Whadup wth 12-5? Seems a little thin, even to the Swami who will take a win anywhere, anytime. Must shake up the crystal ball for a clearer peek into the netherworld. So what's in store for the second week? Read on, little grasshoppah, and Swami shall reveal all.

Swami has been told that money is tight in Waukegan's city government. But apparently au contraire. City dads must think there's so much loose change on the ground that they can afford to turn their noses up at $24 million from fed, state and county to clean up the harbor. In that case, Swami wants a loan ... and now, more of the perils of having many cranky old guys run your government ...

Swami has absolutely nothing more useful or insightful to say about Idaho Sen. Larry Craig and his tryst in the restroom. As he said in his official "I'm not gay" denial yesterday, "Thanks to all of you for coming out." And now on to the totally tasteless jokes ...

Is Idaho Sen. Larry Craig gay or does he just do weird stuff in public restrooms? And geeze, what's the deal with gay Republican politicians? Swami knows all, sees all, and tells as much as libel laws will permit.

What’s the deal with Lance Briggs’ Lamborghini car crash?

Headline from Swami: Lance Briggs' 2007 Lamborghini found crashed on Edens Expressway at dawn
Headline 2 from Swami: No dogs reported killed in accident
Headline 3 from Swami: Bears' $7 million linebacker not in car when police find it.
Headline 4 from Swami: Police not sure who was driving, but guess Lance didn't loan out his $350,000 car to the butler or Rex Grossman. And now, the real story....

Dear Swami, It’s Monday. Can you start the week with some bad jokes to help me out? Signed, Humor-Starved

Which side of the case of Officer Kenny Free are you on? Angry at him because he was drunk when he died in a motorcycle crash, or angry at all the people who used his death as an excuse to criticize police? Signed, Wondering

Dear SwamI,
Don't you have any other interests besides sports and politics? Signed, Concerned.

Oh wise Swami, tell us who will win tonight’s high school football games. Signed, Blue Chips Charlie

Venerable, charming Swami: What’s the deal with Waukegan and dredging the harbor. Why is the EPA against us now? Yours truly, A PERSON OF INTEREST

Oh wise, Swami: Who will do more time in prison: Ex-Gov. George Ryan or ex-quarterback Michael Vick?
Signed, Curious

Leona Helmsley, once known as the 'queen of mean,' has died at 87. Does this mean that now radio hostess Libby Collins has the title all on her own?

Dear Swami, what should we make of the plans by the EPA to test for asbestos on the state park beach near Zion.?

Signed,
Beach bunny

Should we boycott BP for dumping chemical stuff into Lake Michigan?

You may wonder why Indiana thought dumping more refinery crud into Lake Michigan was a sweet idea. You do wonder, don’t you? How could they be so dumb? The News-Swami knows. Read on …

Dear Swami: Does anyone in North Chicago really care?

Dear Swami: I hear that Former Speaker Dennis Hastert has decided to bow out of Congress. Is that true.? Will you pile on too or do you think that he has been a maligned public servant?

Dear Swami: Does Randi Scheurer have a chance to defeat Melissa Bean in the 8th District Democratic Party primary for Congress?

Swami, I just moved to Lake County about 2 years ago from Wisconsin. Why is it that everyday bike riders here ride so dangerously? They ride against traffic. All the other Lance Armstrong wannabe's you see in their herds ride the right way, with traffic. Am I wrong, or are they teaching it wrong down here, or do people just not care?

News-Swami detects a note of sarcasm in your question, Bunky.

We are the News-Swami. We know the unknowable, reveal the previously unrevealable, sense the nonsensical and, using mystical skills in a borderline near-divine sort of way, will say what needs to be said on any topic that strikes us as interesting.