The Swami knows sports

We have been told the coaches at Grant High use Swami as a motivational tool especially when we say they’re in a “trap” game.

HA! Every week’s a trap if you don’t pay attention. Plus, we've always been a tool.

We’ve even been told that some coaches at other schools put Swami’s picks on the locker room bulletin board to spur on their young chaps to victory. Others pound their fist into their hand as they shout our name in anger that their team MUST NOT, CAN NOT allow our pick to prevail.

This is all well and good, but it misses an essential element to the equation.

Swami knows who is going to win every game and lose every game, even when he picks the other team. Just because I know the outcome doesn’t mean I’m always going to tell YOU.

It would not be interesting for Swami to have posted a 110-0 record to this point, would it, Bunky? You might have just as easily have called off the football because I'd told you who would win every game..

Where’s the sport in always being right? Like my mother.

The Swami’s mystical sources are far more sophisticated and nuanced, like John Kerry.

For example, Swami knew in advance which county program would prosper when one of its coaches was forced to stop chasing underage skirts in the hallway and was told to take his act elsewhere. Morale is lots better among the boys, and the cheerleaders don’t have to worry about getting trapped in a linen closet with Coach.

Here’s a word-to-the-wise acronym to another county coach: Does the phrase STD ring a bell?

We know who drinks too much. We know has to get second jobs to cover an out-of-control MasterCard monkey on his back.

We even know who wore size 34-32 pants four years ago and now wears a 44-32 with the word “Goodyear” on the side. Coach, shove away from the table, bro, before those pants go postal on you.

Swami has many things to reveal.

Be patient, little grasshoppa.