Swami, You ignorant dolt. Obviously you are either very uneducated concerning your comment that flying squirrels do not live in Lake County or you are smoking something very illegal. Signed: Friend of Flying Squirrels.
Dear Friend,
Swami will try to answer each of your thoughtful, generous observations in logical progression because we are here only to serve the readers and make life better for All His Special Little Creatures. Here’s the full text of Friend’s message.
”Swami, You ignorant dolt.” (Swami prefers to be called dunderhead or nincompoop. Only his friends call him Dolt. His really good friends call him Snuggle Bunny.)
“Obviously you are either very uneducated concerning your comment that flying squirrels do not live in Lake County or you are smoking something very illegal. (Swami is a graduate of Squirrel Conservatory at Watsamatta U. and though we would certainly like to get our webbed mitts on some strong weed, we’d settle for a fresh pack of unopened Marlboros.)
“My wife and I live in Beach Park ..." (Well, THAT does explain a lot, now doesn’t it?)
“ .. and have one that frequents our bird feeder. These are nocturnal creatures and are very difficult to spot.” (They are not only nocturnal, but they often come out at night, like gay transvestites.)
“We have a video tape as proof and have even observed it gliding from a maple tree to our feeder area.” (You stand outside at night with a video camera and take movies of flying squirrels? Friend, you REALLY need to get out more.)
“You are correct that they are rodents but it is you that should be sedated, not the observant writer from Green Oaks. Get your facts straight.” (In Swami’s experience, that last sentence usually is followed immediately by the phrase, WAKE UP,AMERICA!, but we weren’t talking about illegal immigrant flying squirrels or Hillary Clinton’s chipmunk cheeks, so we guess he let it slide.)
The “We Love a Good Laugh League” intends to send out a humor CARE package to Beach Park immediately. It contains banana peels, Buster Keaton videos and a photo of Beach Park’s mayor in a Speed-o obviously designed for a much young man. But we’re working on saving Dick Cheney first. It will be a challenge. Next stop after that?. BEACH PARK !!!!
Our national motto: You, Too, Can Learn to Take a Joke!
Oh Swami,
Certainly you do not believe that I am not a card carrying member of the “We Love a Good Laugh League”. The furry little creatures that grace our bird feeders the past week are just one of Gods tasty animals. We finally were able to trick one into our Havahart humane squirrel traps and oh the delicious menu we have planned for the holidays. Flying squirrel fricassee, flying squirrel flambé, moo goo guy fly, squirrel tetrazzini and our new favorite, 4 and 20 flying squirrels baked in a pie. If the swami intends to imbibe in some of the illegal smoke referenced in the previous response I sure that you will have the munchies before too long and would like to share a nights repast with us and try the delectable treats afforded to us by our flying furry friends.