Swami: And we wonder why Waukegan is the new "Mecca" for illegal immigrants. Not 1. Not 2. 20 soccer fields. TWENTY? Great googly moogly. What in the world is the park district thinking? A good portion of the folks that will be kicking around the soccer balls probably, I didn't say definitively, but probably don't pay taxes to begin with. All of their $$ is headed back across the border in the way of a Western Union money orders. Here's a plan. Why not open up an I.C.E. (immigration enforcement) office at the entrance to this new 20 soccer field Mecca and see how many people show up to play. Maybe we should change the name of our city to Mexakegan and just forget about it. Signed: CHIEF
Dear Chief,
OK, the first thing we want to know is where in the H-eee-doubleL did the phrase “Great Googly Moogly” come from, and what exactly does it mean? We’re not criticizing it, you understand, but it sounds so resoundingly 1950s and Ozzie and Harriet -like.
Do you say “Swell” and “spiffy”, too?
Come to think of it, you’re…..Well, dadgum…You’re NED FLANDERS!!!!
Hey, Swami fans, welcome our pal Ned in for a swig of hot chocolate.
It’s Ned "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily Flanders, Homer Simpson’s next door neighbor.
Here are some of the best things our favorite widower with two sons has said recently:
Flanders (to Moe): You ugly, hate-filled man.
Moe: Hey, I might be ugly and hate-filled, but - wait - what was the third one?
**
Rod: Daddy, what are you doing?
Ned Flanders: Imploring people I never met to pressure government with better things to do to punish a man who meant no harm for something nobody even saw, that's what I'm doing!
Todd: Daddy, I think we need a new mommy.
Ned: One problem at a time!
**
Ned: "Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. Well I say that there are some things we don't want to know. Important things!"
**
Rod Flanders: I'm jealous of girls, because they get to wear dresses.
Ned Flanders: One problem at a time boy...
**
Ned: Hi giggly hey neighbor!
Homer: OH MY GOD THIS DUDE DOES THE BEST FLANDERS! You got the moustache, and the diddly.
Ned: Heh heh heh...Homer it's me, Ned Flanders.
Homer: Oh right, the God dude.
**
Ned: [reading] Harry Potter, and all his wizard friends, went straight to Hell for practicing witchcraft.
Todd: Yay! [Ned throws the book into the burning fireplace]
**
Ned: Son of a diddly!
**
Ned: Now throughout history, when people get wood, they'll think of Trojans
**
Ned: Homie....i can see your doodle
**
Ned: I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
**
Ned Flanders: They've broken every commandment except one.
Carl: Hey Lenny, covet some chili fries?
Lenny: You bet.
Ned Flanders: That's it. The whole shebang.
**
Ned Flanders: Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse.
**
Sarah: I didn't know there were still people like you left.
Ned: Yep. We occupy that useless bit of land between New York and LA called... America.
Ned Flanders: Oh, golly, if that doesn't put the shaz in shazam. Oh listen, what's the cash value of those tickets so I can report it on my income taxes?
**
Ned Flanders: ... and forgive me for the inpure thoughts I had about the girl on the raisin box ...
**
Ned: ” ... I'd feel like a caveman, if they existed ... and they didn't ...”
**
Stan: Ned? Is that -- Ned Flanders?
Ned: Heidely-ho, Stanster.
Homer: You know Stan Taylor?
Stan: Know me? Ned Flanders saved me. I used to party all night and sleep with lingerie models until Ned and his bible group showed me that I could have more.
Homer: Professional athletes, always wantin' more.
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