Dear Swami : Americans, old and young alike, show little interest in soccer. For two decades, the great American consumer machine has tried to create a market for soccer with little success. Golf, basketball, baseball, and football dominate the sports pages. Yet, the park district, in its infinite wisdom, chooses to destroy a beautiful green space dedicated to a highly popular sport that's extremely popular with all age groups. It's a travesty, and I smell a rat. Who's getting rich off this? Signed: Rat Smeller in Zion
Dear Smeller,
As much as Swami hates soccer (and Swami really hates soccer because it’s clearly a Commie-inspired opiate for the masses) we can‘t let our bigotry, bias and rat-smelling tendencies get in the way of clearer thinking here.
It’s mostly a question of how you define “popular”. By Chicago Bears, New York Yankees, LA Lakers standards, soccer suffers. Even though pro soccer has a foothold in Chicago and a few other locales, you can’t ride the emotional roller coaster of David Beckham’s arrival to much lasting evidence that the game is beloved here or ever will be. (Swami thinks soccer would really take off in popularity if it were played in the nude).
OK, here’s what the park board in Waukegan responded to. There are 20 million American kids playing soccer. It’s the preferred family activity of Suburban America , and not to mention the immigrant population.
Soccer and golf are essentially comprised of two different and essentially conflicting groups. In Waukegan, soccer is kids (and many are dark skinned which really peeves the opponents) and golf is old white guys…and several old white women.
Old white guys and old white women just hate when their preferences are ignored or shoved to the side.
These particular old white men and old white women are especially upset because they appear to have less money than people who play really good courses around here. So, like all less affluent, socially displaced groups, they are angry that no one is taking their views into account. They thought they were in charge of everything, and now it seems that they are not in charge of anything, including their golf course. Couldn't someone have dropped them a line?
It makes a person mad. Especially old white men and several old white women.
Of course, there is no sign they vote in local elections here any more regularly than do other people; so we’ll see if their rage has any lasting effect on the political front. They might forget by the next election because, well, they’re old, and old people forget things and then just wander around aimlessly banging into tee markers and ball washers.
As for why Americans don’t drool over soccer, there are many reasons. The Swami’s personal favorite is that soccer (like hockey) just doesn’t have enough scoring in the games, and we tend to fall asleep when the scoring abates. That’s also one theory espoused by Communists on why they think baseball is too boring. Americans love scoring.
But there are other reasons. Here are 12 paragraphs of semi-logical thoughts from USA Today:
Soccer in America has had every chance. We reject soccer, that's fair to say," says sports pundit Frank Deford, who is happy to lay out the reasons soccer causes him to hold his nose. "There's not enough scoring, and ties make no sense."
This World Cup (They mean the last one, Swami thinks) isn't helping the pro-soccer cause. Two elimination games have been decided on penalty kicks after zero goals in 120 minutes of play; the tournament has posted a 2.36 goals-per-game average, the lowest since 1990.
Deford isn't finished. "There's really a lack of proficiency in the game. God didn't intend for us to use our feet and our heads. Though what soccer players do with their feet and their heads is extraordinary, it is in the same way that spinning plates is extraordinary."
And don't get him started on soccer's offside rule, which prevents attacking players from standing any closer to the opposing goal than the other team's last defender.
"That's simply un-American," Deford says. "We're all about forward, forward, forward, in sports and in our society. From the 19th century onward, we have not taken to soccer. It's almost as if it's not in our DNA to like it."
The soccer-won't-make-it crowd likes to lean on past and current social forces to buttress its argument:
• Soccer has roots in Britain, which exported the game to its colonies some 150 years ago. Little surprise we just said no.
"America was all about being independent from Great Britain, so soccer's inability to stick here really is a product of historical forces," says Randy Roberts, a historian at Purdue University. "It's also worth noting that the sports that gain popularity in any culture tend to have great appeal with the lower classes. That's true with soccer in the rest of the world and with sports like basketball here."
• So long as soccer here remains the casual sport of middle-class suburbanites and their elementary school offspring, it won't penetrate our popular culture.
"Soccer in America seems to be all about making kids and parents feel good, a place where it's OK to be so-so, as long as you're having fun," architect and part-time football coach Wong says.
"Sports are a mirror of life, which can help kids realize where they fit in. Will you be the guy who can throw that game-winning touchdown pass or not? Soccer doesn't seem to promote that."
• Our finest athletes don't gravitate toward the sport, eliminating the possibility of us ever seeing a Michael Jordan of soccer emerge from our shores. "Kids in this country may grow up playing soccer, but most seem to stop playing it fairly early in life because they lose interest," Deford says. "In the end, that proves that it's a game that's not to the taste of our top athletes."
And one more reason, which does not come from USA Today: Lots of soccer players here are Latin. Some people REALLY hate anything that gives a preference to that demographic. WAKE UP, AMERICA !!!!
Your response is both hilarious and right on. Thanks Swami for making my day.
I was at the most recent Waukegan school board meeting, where two female high school athletes were honored for their achievements in golf. Neither girl was white or old.
I must wonder how this dicission was made by the park board.
I have played Orchard Hills almost every sunday I could for the past 8yrs. I just got hooked. It is affordable. Yes, the course has been closed for public play because of golf outtings, I have enjoyed an occasional outting my self at Orchard Hills.
The course is perfect for young and old. Lunch/dinner and beverages for most anyone interested. If you don't care for the way its been managed take charge and change management. I cannot see replacing the course with a soccer field. And down the road someone says let build a golf course. The cost will then not be affordable. I think the park board should concider is do Golfers vote more then soccer players.
Swami : This is why the park district bought the land. . Golfers apparently forgot that if the city could not justify getting the Mansville site (it's a hellhole of pollution) for soccer/softball, this was going to be the place. That was always the plan.
Bucko, if someone down the road says "let''s build a new muni golf course," they will be ignored.
The only way this course could have covered its costs would be to charge $45-$60 a round....
Swami, I disagree with you on too many points to list one by one. But, I regret that you've introduced race into this discussion. This isn't a race issue at all and shouldn't be turned into one. It's a land use issue plain and simple.
I also disagree with your attempt to portray this as an old vs. young issue. It's not. Golf is becoming increasingly popular with young people, while soccer is played early in life and then abandoned. People golf from youth into their old age. Anyone who plays Orchard Hills regularly will tell you that all age groups are represented there, and it's a great course for young people just getting into the game of golf. It's a forgiving course that doesn't demand the skill level that Bonnie Brook demands, and yet it's a very enjoyable course for players of all skill levels.
Your portrayal of golfers as old white men and women is inaccurate and insulting and adds nothing to the serious discussion of the future of Orchard Hills. The real questions include: could a sports complex be built elsewhere; could the profitability of Orchard Hills be improved; could youth leagues be emphasized at this municipal course; do Waukegan golfers of all ages deserve to retain access to this course that has served the area so well for a long time; are we rushing to a decision that will be irrevocable and later regretted.
I know the Swami wants to sound "hip" and a bit offbeat, but sometimes serious discussion is in order regarding serious issues.
SWAMI RETORTS IN HAUGHTY TONE: If Swami thought the future of one lousy muni course were worth serious discussion, he would have expended serious discussion. And by the way, Bucko, only old, really bad golfers insist on playing a lousy, cheap muni course while claiming it's their constitutional right to have a cheap golf course.