Dear Swami, Who would you nominate as the more tiresome, irritating blowhard in the Chicago area? Is there somebody you think talks a good game but never delivers the goods? Signed: Hiccupy in Highland Park
Dear Hiccups,
Of all the overblown, self-inflating bloviators in this neck of the woods, the king of the puffers has to be former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka.
Oh sure, Swami knows everyone loves Da Coach because, well, he fits so many Chicagoan’s self image of what a true Chicagoan is. He's straight-talking, tough, no ruffles-on-his shirt-cuffs sort of guy who only orders monster slabs of red meat in restaurants.
There’s no fancy in his schmancy.
The bigger truth of Mike Ditka is that this is a hammy role he’s playing and has for 20 years. And though Chicagoans go along with the gag, the danger is that self-deception will actually be believed.
Case in point: Ditka made big noise yelling that the greedy NFL and the even greedier Players Association have jobbed old-time players out of a decent return on what they gave to the game. He's thunderously outraged. He’s testified before Congress to that effect.
He even started his own charity to help old-timers which would be great if the money he raised actually went to them.
But based on a reporting by USA Today (and how did Chicago papers miss this?), Ditka’s charity raised $1.3 million but gave almost none of it to old, impoverished players.
Most went to former players who were paid to show up for charity events, and another $715,000 to put on golf tournaments. And then there’s the amazing tab for staging charity events. In all, the paper reported that the charity has raised $1.3 million but produced only $315,000 after expenses.
How much went to old broken-down players? USA Today says about $57,000.
In case you haven’t noticed, there is an entire subterranean industry in Chicago that subsidizes local quasi-celebrities with golf events at high-toned courses; lush meals and well stocked open bars. You have to be plugged into the celebrity goodie trough to get the benefit of this eternal feedbag.
It’s the perfect universe for Ditka whose main job the last two decades has been pretending to be someone famous named Mike Ditka.
Chicagoans love this sort of fakery.
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