Swami, do you have any advice for Valentine’s Day coming up Thursday? Do you give advice to the lovelorn? What are you giving Mrs. Swami for the holiday? Signed, Luvsick in Lindenhurst.
Dear Luv,
What ever you do, avoid that “Not this decade, honey, I have a headache” routine. If Swami has heard that once, he’s heard it a thousand times.
Here’s info from the National Headache Foundation in Chicago (There is actually such a thing with offices and secretaries, and everything).
They say: “A recent survey by the National Headache Foundation (NHF) revealed that headaches may interfere with a satisfying sex life and impair relationships overall. In the survey, 69% of respondents have avoided sex because of a headache, (Doesn't that sound like you're swerving to avoid a pothole?) with 35% saying this avoidance has caused a strain on their relationship. Moreover, 47% of headache sufferers report they have experienced a headache triggered by sex. “
Well, except for that last piece of statistical information, the Swami has had plenty of experience.
Here are more facts from the NHF:
• 40% of respondents reported a decrease in sexual activity due to sex-associated headaches (Yes, if by decrease, you mean none)
• 42% of respondents reported sex-associated headaches typically lasting more than an hour (It lasts about two hours for women, about 13.7 seconds for men in direct proportion to how long sex normally lasts for each of them).
• 32% of respondents describe their sex-associated headaches as developing after sexual activity and being worse when standing up than laying down ( Woman normally say “no” to sex while they’re standing up … The headache that develops after sex begins is usally associated with her asking, “You want me to do WHAT?”)
• 39% of respondents admit to having lied about skipping sex because of a headache (That means it’s about .0095 percent of men and about 98 percent of women. The other 2 percent of women were nuns)
Despite these problems, only 13% of headache sufferers have spoken with a healthcare provider about sex-associated headaches. (Swami cannot foresee circumstances where this conversation can take place between a man and his doctor).
• Notably, 68% of respondents reported a sympathetic response from their partners when deferring sex because of a headache. (What else can you do but be sympathetic? If you make too big a jackass of yourself, sex is ruled out for the remainder of the millennium).
“ Most sex-associated headaches will not require treatment,” says Dr. Seymour Diamond, Executive Chairman of the NHF. (His name is ACTUALLY Dr. Seymour Diamond? Sounds like a porn star name)…“However if persistent and severe, medical consultation should be sought. Beta-blockers or indomethacin are usually prescribed as preventive treatments.” (Or radiation treatments....or aspirin…or aspirin and a shot of Jack Daniels…or just forget the aspirin and have three shots of JD).)
There's this advice: Head Off A Headache in the Bedroom:
• Beat the headache to the punch. Try taking a pain reliever beforehand to ease headaches that occur during or after sex. (Or drink the Jack Daniels first. Sex always seems like a better idea after three shots of JD).
• Ease into it. A massage can relax tense head or neck muscles and lessen the chance of a headache interrupting later. (Sometimes the massage IS the sex.)
For more information on headache causes and treatments, visit www.headaches.org or call 1-888-NHF-5552. (They're closed on the weekend when most sex-related headaches occur)
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