C'est moi!!!
Swami, how are you and the local lawyers doing after the recent stories about sweetheart deals for child sex predators? Are they upset? Bet so. They hate it when civilians call them bad names. Signed: A former plaintiff.
Ah, where to begin?
It apparently took the state’s attorney about a month to get all his henchman, lackies, lackettes and proxies to fire off letters of protest although the stories, as Swami recalls, and quote him plenty, about how great a job he does. The month lag time appears to be about the normal speed most legal issues get addressed in the county.
Swami wishes he had lackies.
It must be wonderful to be so loved and admired. So impossibly pure and efficient. As so unassailable and with so little reason for any second thoughts.
Actually, the local prosecutor was the model for Lancelot in “Camelot.”
You doubt it?
Is Mike Waller a lyrical soprano voice? We are sure of it. We hear his dulcet tones wafting through the woods. Harken, oh lovers of justice.
Wau-Keeee-GAN!! Wau-Keee-GAN!!!
In far-off France I heard your call.
Wau-Keeee-GAN!! Wau-Keee-GAN!!!
And here am I to give my all.
I know in my soul what you expect of me,
And all that and more I shall be.
A knight of the Legal Bar should be invincible,
Succeed where a less fantastic man would fail.
Climb a wall no one else can climb,
Cleave a defendant in record time,
Swim a moat in a coat of heavy iron mail.
No matter the pain, he ought to be unwinceable,
Impossible deeds should be his daily fare.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so ex-tra-or-din-aire?
C'est moi! C'est moi, I'm forced to admit.
'Tis I, I humbly reply.
That mortal who
These marvels can do,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I've never lost
In battle or trial;
I'm simply the best by far.
When legal swords are crossed
'Tis always the same:
One closing argument and au revoir!
C'est moi! C'est moi! So adm'rably fit!
A Lake County Prometheus unbound from afar.
And here I stand, with valour untold,
Exeption'ly brave, amazingly bold,
To serve at the Legal Bar!
The soul of a lawyer should be a thing remarkable,
His heart and his mind as pure as morning dew.
With a will and a self-restraint
That's the envy of ev'ry saint
He could easily work a miracle or two.
To love and desire he ought to be unsparkable,
The ways of the flesh should offer no allure.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so untouched and pure?
(C'est moi!)
C'est moi! C'est moi, I blush to disclose.
I'm far too noble to lie.
That man in whom
These qualities bloom,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I've never strayed
From all I believe;
I'm blessed with an iron will.
Had I been made
The partner of Eve,
We'd be in Eden still.
Or maybe Zion.
C'est moi! C'est moi! The angels have chose
To fight their battles below,
And here I stand, as pure as a pray'r,
Incredibly clean, with virtue to spare,
The godliest man I know!
C'est moi!
***
Swami wouldn’t know. Even his mom doesn’t love Swami.
