Where have you gone, R. Kelly?

This week's news headlines today, only from the crystal ball of The Swami:

... the void in pop-culture-trash voyeurism left by the end of the R. Kelly trial will be filled by ... hmmm ... oh, let's just say "that troubled actress who makes us feel better about not being famous," because one of them is overdue ...

... floodwaters will recede in both Cedar Rapids and Des Moines, Iowa, to reveal that there are, in fact, both a Cedar Rapids and a Des Moines, Iowa ...

... your No. 1 movie at the box office for the weekend of June 20-22 will be either "The Incredible Hulk" or "Get Smart." Whatever the choice, Americans will be paying $9 a pop for something they once saw for free on television ...

... and the annual renewal of the Cub-Sox Interleague Rivalry will result in 974 arrests for disorderly conduct between drunken Cubs and Sox fans -- and that's only counting the arrests at family barbecues, not the ones at Wrigley Field.