OK, Swami:
I know all you losers down there in Illinois are enjoying this whole Brett Favre thing. Since you claim to be able to see into the future, how is this one going to play out? Please don't tell me he's going to end up playing for the Vikings or your stupid Bears.
Perplexed in Pleasant Prairie
Dear P.P. Prairie:
Not to burst your cheddar bubble, but we're not enjoying this as much as we're simply taking a trip down memory lane. Hmmm ... aging athlete ... best years behind him ... teasing his fan base time after time -- after time -- about retiring ... burning bridges with the people who pay his salary ... yep, we've watched this soap opera, starring a guy named Michael Jordan.
When His Airness retired to a life of playing golf and fighting his mistress in court after the 1998 championship season, Bulls fans swallowed a hard lump of reality and moved on. When he returned three years later to play for the Washington Wizards, we figured it was a midlife crisis, only in this case involving a professional athlete who already owns the red convertible.
So, no, Bears fans aren't enjoying this Brett Favre melodrama, since all it's doing is taking up valuable space in the sports pages. And we all know how it's going to end up -- with the tarnished legend finally accepting the news everyone else got three years ago.
P.S. We also hope he ends up back with the Packers, so his decline can take place for our benefit.
Dear P.P. Read your statement on us and our stupid bears. we also must consider the source, anyone living in cheeseland is dumb, dumb, dumb.