In future news: Bush and bailout, cows and Cubs

Today's headline: "Bush: 'Congress Must Act' To Rescue Markets"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Congress To Bush: "We're Sorry -- George Who? 'President'? President Of What-Now? Yeah, Um, Please Schedule An Appointment With Our Automated Staff Directory"

Today's headline: "Senate To Vote On Bailout Bill Wednesday Night"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: McCain, Obama To Blame Each Other For Something Thursday Morning

Today's headline: "Woman Wearing Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Cow-Suit Woman Grants Exclusive First Interview To Katie Couric

Today's headline: "Bears Living In Metro Areas Are Fatter, Die Earlier, And Get Pregnant Younger"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Devin Hester Is Pregnant

Today's headline: "Cubs To Reverse The Curse, Win World Series"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Cocky Blabbermouth Writer Blamed For Cubs' Latest Collapse