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Future news: Flipping off the Tollway

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Today's headline: "Tollway Board Gives Green Light To Carpool Lanes"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Single-Occupant Commuters Give One-Finger Salute To Tollway Board

Today's headline: "Crude Oil Prices Drop Below $50 A Barrel"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Motorists Stock Up For Winter By Filling Kiddie Pools With Cheap Gas

Today's headline: "Vampire Movie 'Twilight' Has Appeal To Teenage Girls, Mothers And Older Women"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Teenage Boys, Dads And Cranky Grandfathers Up To Here With All The "Twilight" Crap Already

Today's headline: "Madonna And Guy Ritchie To Finalize Divorce In London On Friday"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Madonna Keeps Earnings; Ritchie Regains Dignity

Today's headline: "Bears Realize Future Is Now As They Prepare For Stretch Run"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Fans Wonder Which Three Teams Bears Will Lose To On Stretch Run To .500

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