This week's news today, only from the crystal ball of The Swami:
Gov. Rod Blagojevich, speaking on telephone lines that he either doesn't know or doesn't care are bugged, will conduct a series of pay-for-play discussions with state bigwigs, offering his resignation in exchange for such things as a health-club membership, a free weekend at an indoor waterpark, and/or fifty bucks in cash ...
... meanwhile, attorneys for Blagojevich will immediately start pressing for a change of venue due to the intense media coverage of the governor's alleged misdeeds, suggesting such locations as the Netherlands and Equatorial Guinea ...
... Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush in an act described as a traditional insult in the Arab world, will be subjected to a lengthy trial and, ultimately, sentenced by an Iraqi court to 30 days of having shoes thrown at him ...
... in the wake of NBC's announcement that Jay Leno will not retire from its airwaves but will instead be placed in a prime-time slot, Jay Leno will announce that he is moving into your spare bedroom and will be borrowing your lawnmower indefinitely ...
... after re-signing 46-year-old Jamie Moyer for two more years and bringing in 35-year-old Chan Ho Park, the Philadelphia Phillies will kick the tires on 121-year-old Walter "Big Train" Johnson.
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