Can't fathom football? Can't stomach football? Still have to host/go to a Super Bowl party? Fear not. The Swami is here with a clip-and-save list of what the legal (and not-so-legal) oddsmakers would call "proposition bets" for you and your fellow partygoers to enjoy, but certainly not necessarily to wager upon:
-- First beer commercial featuring cute animals that will lure even the youngest children to the screen (Swami's pick: Immediately following the presentation of captains)
-- First beer commercial featuring acceptably overweight Kevin James-type dude pulling off some wacky scheme to get his hands on a light beer rather than his impossibly attractive spouse and/or girlfriend (Swami's pick: Immediately following the coin flip)
-- First John Madden comment on the obvious (Swami's pick: As the ball is being teed up; "This, to me, is football right here")
-- First attempt by Bob Costas to wax poetic about the game's deeper meaning (Swami's pick: Last Tuesday)
-- First reference to Kurt Warner's inspiring rise from Hy-Vee stockboy to the most unlikely great quarterback in NFL history (Swami's pick: Following first completion)
-- Who will star in more commercials: Peyton Manning or horses? (Swami's pick: Manning, by a nose)
-- Number of people who will say "who's the old guy?" when Bruce Springsteen takes the stage at halftime (Swami's pick: Everyone born after 1982)
-- Combined number of commercials for Sunday's special postgame episode of "The Office" and the Feb. 6 episode of "Howie Do It" (Swami's over/under: 54)
-- First family member to fall asleep as Pittsburgh Steelers turn the game into a blowout in the third quarter (Swami's pick: Your dad)
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