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In future news: Obama Microscoped

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Today's headline: "Obama Laughter: 'Punch Drunk' Or 'Gallows Humor'"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Pundits Blast Obama For 'Blowing Nose' And 'Hogging The Remote'"

Today's headline: "Want To Live Longer? Cut Back On Red Meat"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "America Orders Double-Cheeseburger Just Dripping With Juicy Goodness"

Today's headline: "Student Kicked Off Bus Over Passed Gas"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Supreme Court Sides With Bus Driver In Landmark Flatulence Lawsuit"

Today's headline: "NFL Extends Deal With DirecTV Through 2014"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Your Cable Bill Goes Up"

Today's headline: "Bulls On Track To Make The Playoffs"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Bulls Swept By Cleveland"

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