May 2009 Archives

Dear Swami:

Back in the winter when I first asked you about this Zion baseball team they're talking about, you predicted it would be called "the Dancing Wolves." Wrong again. Now that the nicknames have been boiled down to five finalists, which one do you predict will be the winner?

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

Dear Nuke:

The truth of the matter is, the folks at Lake County Baseball were going to name their team the Dancing Wolves, but The Swami demanded a finder's fee. Lawyers got involved, etc. And so we are left with these pitiful candidates:

-- Comets: This was the nickname of not only a defunct team (Kansas City) in a failed league (remember Major Indoor Soccer?) but also of a defunct team (Houston) in a struggling league (the WNBA). And also the name of a defunct compact model from Mercury, the afterthought division of the Ford Motor Company. So, no.

-- Fielders: What, they're naming a team after Cecil and Prince? No.

-- Luckies: Not just cigarettes, but old cigarettes. No.

-- Cowpokes: What is this, Wyoming? It is not.

-- Skippers: Finally, something with an actual local connection. Lake County, home of the finest marinas north of Chicago and literally dozens of, well, lakes. The smart money is right here.

But don't bet on it. Kevin Costner might not like the natural association with "Waterworld."

Today's headline: "Metra's Phase 2 Resurfacing To Begin"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Round Lake Man Takes 18 Hours To Drive Home Via Metra Detour"

Today's headline: "Rotten Office Fridge Cleanup Sends 7 To Hospital"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Your Office Fridge Sees Their 7, Raises Them 8"

Today's headline: "Protesters Against Obama Swarm Notre Dame: His Appearance At University Roils Those Who Disagree With Abortion Stance"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Obama Protestors Hope No One Asks For Their Stance On Tithing"

Today's headline: "Craigslist Dropping 'Erotic Services' Ads"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Craigslist Goes Out Of Business"

Today's headline: "Zambrano Likely To Make Rehab Start This Weekend"

Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Disgruntled Cub Fan Makes Plans To Boo Zambrano's First Walk Allowed Upon Return From DL"

In a dramatic gesture just moments after being sworn in Monday as mayor of Waukegan, Bob Sabonjian will ask the City Council to approve monthly reports from the Building Department for March 2009, and also from the Collector's Office for the month of April 2009 ...

... with the City Council audience still buzzing with excitement over the montly reports, Sabonjian will then call for approval of block-party requests and, later in the meeting, he will boldly entertain a motion for adjournment ...

... with the news that a farmer passed the H1N1 flu to a herd of pigs, conservative swine commentators in U.S. barnyards will call for the arrest and deportation of all humans ...

... Cinco de Mayo will be over-celebrated in the nation's bars not only by people who don't know the significance of Cinco de Mayo, but also by people who do not know the English translation of "Cinco," "Mayo" or, for that matter, "de" ...

... having grossed $87 million at the box office in its opening weekend, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" will quietly pack its bags for DVD release with Friday's debut of "Star Trek" ...

... and fans of the Chicago Bulls will look back at this month's epic seven-game, first-round playoff series against the Boston Celtics and wish it had meant something, even if the Bulls had won.