Recently in Environment Category

Today's news: "County departments study fuel savings initiatives"

Tomorrow's news, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: Lake County employees ride to work on rented mules; snow plows drawn by oxen.

It sounds straight out of "Mad Max," but even without an Armaggeddon-style war over "The Precious Juice," the reality in 2008 is that everyone's budget is being pinched by higher fuel prices, and adjustments will be made.

Consider: In roughly one month, school will be back in session, and the buses will start to roll. Have you seen the price of diesel fuel lately? It makes the price of your regular unleaded look like it's 1998. This is going to cost you, the taxpayer/parent, one way or another.

So desperate times call for desperate measures, and suggestions for the survival of the species are always appreciated. Here are a few that could save our taxes from going up in a puff of exhaust:

1) SUVs could be banned for use by public employees in anything outside of a blizzard situation;

2) Police department bicycle patrols could be doubled or tripled (or just plain initiated by departments that don't have them) during the spring, summer and fall;

3) In that same vein, employees like building inspectors and health inspectors probably know how to ride a bike, too;

4) Two words: Conference calls;

and ...

5) U.S. Postal Service trucks could run on the same electric motors that power your father's golf cart in Sun City, Arizona.

And what about those school buses? The Swami wouldn't touch that one with the proverbial 10-foot pole, because one thing you can't mess with is kids. But, eventually, they might have to get out and push.

Gazing into the crystal ball to see what will become of the Fox River, the Des Plaines River and, just for kicks, the Wisconsin Dells as this stretch of Biblical rainfall plays out:

... the Fox and the Des Plaines will try to refuse what Wisconsin sends on down the pipe, but just as water finds its own level in your ice cube trays, some gifts from nature cannot be returned ...

... there will be sandbagging along the Chain and in Gurnee before the week is out, but, fortunately, there are many sandbags left exactly where they were from last August -- a sight that was an eyesore before the summer rains arrived ...

... up in the Dells, the question isn't whether Lake Delton will be refilled, it is how quickly. Anyone who thinks the Tommy Bartlett Ski, Sky & Stage Show should become the Tommy Bartlett Stage Show, or who thinks the Original Wisconsin Ducks should be restricted to dry land, is simply un-American ...

... while many of these issues of wetness will have to reveal themselves over time, one thing The Swami can say with ironclad certainty: after all of this unreasonable precipitation, we are going to get eaten alive by mosquitoes this summer, starting right about ... NOW.

Swami:

Not sure if this is your department, but maybe you can settle an argument between me and the wife. Last Saturday night when the tornado sirens went off in our neighborhood, she ran down in the basement and I ran outside with my video camera. She yelled at me even though I didn't get killed. Who was right and who was wrong here?

Mad in Mundelein

Dear M in M:

The Swami is not normally in the business of Dear Abby and Miss Manners, but if you are silly enough to ask, here goes nothing: You were right. Let your wife's counterattack begin.

True, everyone from the National Weather Service to the Federal Emergency Management Agency would advise otherwise, but who are we supposed to listen to in the age of Public Journalism -- the boring old safety patrol, or the cool popular crowd?

Some would say that the instant-video culture is encouraging people like you to risk their lives for a moment of fame. The Swami would be one of the people saying that, by the way, but let's not let common sense get in the way of your potential moment of glory on YouTube or iReports.

So next time the storm sirens wail, you go right ahead and run around looking to get your name on CNN and MSNBC. Just don't get decapitated by a flying sheet of plywood while doing it -- Big Media might run a brief clip of a local tornado, but when it comes to victims, they usually just give the numbers and not the names.

Yo, Swami:

The other day it cost me like a hundred bucks to fill up my Chevy Suburban for a holiday weekend trip to Paddock Lake, then I saw this news story about how SUVs and trucks as personal vehicles are "an endangered species." Does this mean I should trade in my Suburban for one of them little "smart" cars that look like a roller skate?

Sincerely,
Conspicuous Consumption

Dear Consumer:

Here's hoping that your 32-gallon tank got you all the way up to Highway 50 and County B. And no doubt your Suburban's four-wheel-drive capability came in handy on the towering, rock-covered mountains of Kenosha County.

Anyway, peering into the crystal ball, The Swami sees a day when SUVs are more expensive to operate than they are worth. That day was, oh, a Thursday in the summer of 1986, or around the time SUV mania hit the American marketplace.

But The Swami does not advise you to ditch your rolling financial sinkhole. The American economy might collapse entirely without those $100-a-week gas purchases filling the feed-bag for Big Oil. You keep fighting the good fight.

Swami:

What's all this about Tempel Farms getting the equestrian site for the 2016 Olympics bid? Is this just a P.R. move to save the Lake County Forest Preserve District from the wrath of the Tree Huggers? And are the Olympics even coming to Chicago?

We Want Answers in Wadsworth

Dear Wad:

The Swami wondered and wondered why the Chicago Olympic wannabes didn't look at Lake County's Horse Country from the git-go. Wide open spaces already tailored for the horse culture ... easy access to and from the Tri-State Tollway ... Golden Corral right down Dilleys Road for all your strap-on-the-feedbag needs -- why was any other site in Lake County, much less the Chicago metropolitan area, even sniffed at?

Lakewood Forest Preserve in Wauconda was considered because ... let's see ... it has better hills? Maybe, but it was really about what could be controlled. If Chicago is to make this Olympic dream a reality, all the ducks have to be not only in a row, but also ready to be served hot. A public facility looked to be the safe bet until activists starting activating -- which is the last thing you need when you're up against Rio de Janeiro, not to mention Prague.

And now to your final query: Yes, the Olympics will be coming to Chicago. The rest of the world will find out on Oct. 2, 2009, but The Swami is giving this to you now so you can start making arrangements to rent out your Lake County domicile for three times the going rate.

Swami, what should we do about the Chinese selling us toys and other products that contain dangerous levels of lead which makes us all grow up to be like people from Albania or, worse, South Carolina? America doesn’t make many of these products anymore; so the Chinese are the only suppliers. What should we do? Signed: Zapped in Lake Zurich

Swami fears the city of Waukegan is going about the business of fixing the harbor in the wrong way. If you just bully everyone who disagrees with you, those folks aren’t likely to be your allies. Does Waukegan have any allies left? Not unless you count the ones they pay to be their shills. Read on, Gentle Readers ….

Hooray, sort of, for Illinois’ new ranking in the “Greenest State” contest from Forbes Magazine. We’re 27th best (or the 23rd worst if you're a glass half-full sort of person) which doesn’t sound so hot, but it could be worse. We could be Indiana.

Venerable, charming Swami: What’s the deal with Waukegan and dredging the harbor. Why is the EPA against us now? Yours truly, A PERSON OF INTEREST

Dear Swami, what should we make of the plans by the EPA to test for asbestos on the state park beach near Zion.?

Signed,
Beach bunny