Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Tonya Harding, Jeff Gillooly, Newt Gingrich Sought For Questioning In Sotomayor Incident"
Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Your Kid Wants Palm Pre; Emotional Detachment From Family Hinted At If Demands Aren't Met"
Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Producers Behind 'Land Of The Lost' Wonder Why Film Version Of Horrible TV Show Ended Up Being Horrible"
Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Naked, Incoherent Ozzie Guillen Calmly Discusses Team's Inability To Manage Pressure Situations Successfully"
Tomorrow's headline, only from the crystal ball of The Swami: "Disgruntled Cub Fan Makes Plans To Boo Zambrano's First Walk Allowed Upon Return From DL"
In a dramatic gesture just moments after being sworn in Monday as mayor of Waukegan, Bob Sabonjian will ask the City Council to approve monthly reports from the Building Department for March 2009, and also from the Collector's Office for the month of April 2009 ...
... with the City Council audience still buzzing with excitement over the montly reports, Sabonjian will then call for approval of block-party requests and, later in the meeting, he will boldly entertain a motion for adjournment ...
... Cinco de Mayo will be over-celebrated in the nation's bars not only by people who don't know the significance of Cinco de Mayo, but also by people who do not know the English translation of "Cinco," "Mayo" or, for that matter, "de" ...
... having grossed $87 million at the box office in its opening weekend, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" will quietly pack its bags for DVD release with Friday's debut of "Star Trek" ...
... and fans of the Chicago Bulls will look back at this month's epic seven-game, first-round playoff series against the Boston Celtics and wish it had meant something, even if the Bulls had won.
This week's news today, only from the crystal ball of The Swami:
Earth Day will be celebrated by motorists and homeowners worldwide with the traditional Burning of the Fossil Fuels ...
... during his last full City Council meeting as mayor, Richard Hyde will call for a vote on approving the preliminary plat of subdivision for property bound by Frolic, Cheyenne, Northern and Polo avenues, with conditions as outlined by staff ...
... Internet singing sensation Susan Boyle will announce that she not only has solved her "never been kissed" dilemma, but she has married Simon Cowell following an untamed night of binge drinking and karaoke singing in Scotland ...
... after blaming paparazzi for startling her horse in the riding accident that hospitalized her over the weekend, Madonna will make it a point to approach photographers while at the wheel of a SUV with poor brakes...
... and both the Chicago Bulls and the Chicago Blackhawks will continue to string us along like the giddy fools we are. The heartbreak we seek will bide its time.
This week's news today, only from the crystal ball of The Swami:
The new First Dog, Bo, will become embroiled in the first scandal of the Obama presidency when he is photographed by paparazzi leaving a D.C. area nightclub with an underaged Cavalier King Charles Spaniel reportedly owned by House Minority Leader John Boehner ...
... mayor-elect Bob Sabonjian Jr. will deny Internet-fueled rumors that he will re-charter Waukegan as the 32nd state in the Mexican union ...
... with the third Juan Rivera murder trial starting in Lake County Circuit Court this week, schedules will be cleared for the fourth Juan Rivera murder trial ...
... a 2010 Oscar campaign will start to coalesce around your reigning No. 1 film at the U.S. box office, "Hannah Montana: The Movie" ...
... and, during the first homestand of the season, Chicago Cub fans will formalize plans to boo a player to be designated on Tuesday out of town.
... Sunday's predicted 3-to-6-inch snowfall will be the final time residents of Lake County will use their shovels and/or snowblowers this winter/spring -- though many residents will simply "let it melt" ...
... Congressional Republicans will play an April Fool's Day joke on Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, leaving messages for "Ima Mann" on her personal cell phone and then, perhaps by accident, voting for President Obama's $3.6 trillion budget ...
