Moral debates: June 2008 Archives

Dear "Swami":

I read last week where you were picking on Six Flags for putting those $1 lockers at ride entrances, and a little while back you were said the new Six Flags mascot is lame. What is your problem with Six Flags, anyway?

Ashley in Gurnee

Dear Ashley:

Rather than address the big picture here, The Swami is going to focus on a single hidden element in your complaint: your use of the term "Six Flags" to describe the amusement park that is now, always has been and always shall be GREAT AMERICA.

Evidently, seeing that your name is one of the most popular U.S. girl names from the 1990s, you are a member of this younger generation that calls our local theme park "Six Flags," as mandated by Madison Avenue. This is wrong on so many levels, not the least of which is the fact that the history behind the name "Six Flags" has everything to do with Texas (home of the original theme park under that banner) and nothing to do with Illinois, the Chicago Metro Area, Lake County, Warren Township or Gurnee.

Young lady, long before there was a "Six Flags Great America," it was known as "Marriott's Great America," and for a short time it was technically "Bally's Great America." At no time did anyone call the park "Marriott's" or "Bally's." It was simply Great America. That's all you had to say, and no one confused what you were saying with Kiddieland or Old Chicago. Or Six Flags Over Mid-America, as they used to call the one in St. Louis.

So join The Swami in a new and ambitious campaign to educate the current and coming generations on the proper name for that little corner of $54.99 heaven on Grand Avenue. It is called Great America -- just as it will be when, not if, Six Flags sells the naming rights to U.S. Cellular or WaMu.

Hey Swami:

Did you see where United Airlines is going to start charging $15 for every checked bag? Everyone's got their hands out for more, more, more. Where is the outrage?

Beside Myself in Bannockburn

Dear B.M.:

To answer your first question, yes, of course The Swami saw that United is going to take away a freebie -- The Swami sees all, usually before it happens. That's the definition of being a seer, after all.

As for your second question about The Outrage: there is plenty of it to go around in America, but it is reserved for things like politics, religion and recreational activities played by other people (a.k.a. professional sports). If there is any impotent rage left over for economic issues, it is used on the price of gas ... and, here in Lake County this summer, on the new policy by Six Flags Great America to charge customers $1 every time they want to check a bag, camera or other valuable that can't be brought on a ride.

That's right -- no more sticking that floppy hat or sandals in an open box before jumping on your favorite vomit rocket. Now you have to pay a buck for one of those tiny lockers with the key that works exactly once ... or you don't ride the ride.

Where is the outrage? There is the outrage. The Swami foresees that you will hear an earful about this from everyone you know who goes to Great America this summer.